The Gifts of Stress, Part 1 of 3

Even though anxiety is all about stress, not everyone identifies with having anxiety. However, everyone can identify with having stress in their life. I'm reaching out to stress sufferers who want to find more joy even with the anxiety and worries of everyday life.

I've identified a formula to help you discover joy in your life. This formula, called the De-stress equation, goes like this.

Identification of your stress, plus the de-stress skills, equals the gifts of stress. 

You know math can be really stressful and formulas can stress you out too, but a formula can help us remember how and what to do when. 

Let's talk about the first part of the equation. Identification. You need to identify which events stress you out, and what that stress is saying to you. Stress is defined as: mental or emotional tension or strain caused by an adverse or demanding circumstance. But we all know that an event does not have to be adverse or dire before we can feel stressed out. The very definition of stress implies that what we consider adverse or demanding is personal and unique to us. It also infers that the level of emotional and mental tension it can create is personal and unique. So, if the things that stress us out are personal, and the amount of tension we experience from those events is personal, that's good news. It means we can change how we perceive an event. And when we can change how we view an event, the amount of stress it causes us can change. Since any life event can cause stress, it's important to take the first step, and identify what stresses you out.

What are your personal stressors? What creates all that mental and emotional tension? Since it's unique to you, it'll be different than for a friend or family member, which is why other people don't always get why we're in such a tizzy over something that doesn't seem to affect them at all. 

One of my biggest stressors was morning traffic - getting to downtown Austin by 8:00 would set me into a tizzy. There were several underlying reasons for my anxiety but the main one was that I worried someone would pull in front of me getting on the highway and cause a wreck. I felt like each day was a battle to get to work safely without having an accident. Driving I-35 made me a nervous wreck.

If traffic is a stressor for you, you may worry about being late, again, or getting fired for being late. If traffic kept you from getting where you said you would be at the time you said you would be there, you might disappoint someone. Maybe you're mad at yourself for not getting up early enough. Maybe you aren't prepared for a meeting, and you thought that you'd have a few extra minutes at work to prepare if you could only get to work. What does it mean to you if you disappoint someone? And what does it mean to you if you are not prepared? Because when you find that out, those are the causes of your stress. It's not the traffic. 

Another example of how events have a different stress level for each of us is around giving a presentation. I have a friend who can talk to thousands of people in an auditorium, and she loves it. She doesn't get nervous; her knees don't bang against each other, she can breathe without gasping for air, and she doesn't have any of the symptoms of nervousness or tension because she finds it invigorating and exciting. Though for her, going to the doctor with a physical problem is petrifying, and she often just won't go. She's afraid of what they might find, and what that might mean to her and for her family. And while most people have giving a speech at the top of their list of things that stress them out, it's not the case for her.

We know that many people would rather die than get up in front of a group. As Jerry Seinfeld said, “most people would rather be in the coffin than stand up and give a eulogy.” It's that stressful for so many people. That was another huge stressor for me. I was always terrified to give any type of presentation - large group, small group, a party of two - the size of the audience really didn't matter. Although I did have my own particular equation that defined just how nervous I would become. The greater the number of people in the audience and, the greater the number of eyes on me, the greater the amount of stress I felt. My thoughts were, “the larger the audience, the more negative impressions people could have of me.” I was always overwhelmed by what I thought they were thinking. They must be judging me. When in reality, it was all about how I felt about myself, and all those negative thoughts I had about myself. It was about feeling like an Imposter. A common syndrome that can have you doubt your abilities and feel like a fraud. Once I could identify those negative thoughts, and see what I was saying to myself about having to stand up in front of an audience of any size, I learned how to view my talks differently. I actually got excited about giving them. Not that I don't still feel nervous, because I do. I just think less about what others might be thinking of me. I'm more focused on sharing my message to help you find your joy. Through my greatest stress, I found my greatest joy, a gift of my stress. 

For now, when you get stressed out, identify the situation. What's happening? Then explore what's going on inside your head. What are you saying to yourself about the event that stresses you out? And what might be going on with you beneath the surface? 

In my next blog, I'll talk about the second part of the equation. De-stress skills are how you can manage and relieve some of your particular stress so that you can get to a place to experience a normally stressful event with a new perspective. You are one step closer to finding the gifts of your stress. 

Have a day filled with life events. They are what you make them.